Giving thanks (better late than never).

News flash:  They weren't kidding when they said the holidays would be hard!

I've always been (mostly) an optimist, and yes, also a teeny tiny bit naive.  For example, I actually thought maybe I was different, that because I was working so hard and doing all the right things, perhaps the conventional wisdom on navigating life during and after divorce didn't apply to me.  But they—my divorced friends, the interwebs, my therapist, etc.—were all right, of course:  All of the "firsts" I've experienced so far in the year following the breakup of my marriage have been downright hard and emotional as hell.  The first anniversary un-niversary, first of any holiday, first birthday, first vacation, first whatever...they're all hard.

It doesn't help that the long Thanksgiving weekend has always been a big one for me, coupled as it usually is with my birthday.  And of course, we spent last two years in Hawaii, and probably would be there right now if it weren't for The Sideways.  Not surprisingly (to everyone but me, apparently), the transition from the holiday and birthday traditions of the past 10 years to this life that I'm building without any newly forged traditions was more of a shock than I bargained for.  It all snuck up on me earlier this week, and since then, the tears have fallen in almost equal measure with the November rain (which has been record-setting at times, for those of you not in Seattle).

So on Thanksgiving morning, I tried to come up with a list of what I was thankful for so that I could put it up on Facebook along with everyone else.  At the time I was so down in the dumps that I was hard-pressed to come up with anything other than that I had "much" to be thankful for.  But today is a new day, and I know I do have many, many things to be thankful for.  Here they are, the big and the small, the important and the unimportant, the shallow and the deep, in no particular order.

• I successfully trimmed 30 of 40 cat toenails this morning
• It's almost 2013!
• My parents
• Qualifying for the Boston Marathon.  Shut. Up.  I still can't believe it!
• Truly the best friends in the universe
• Chocolate
• Anything coconut
• 2012 election results
• My metabolism
• BQFFs
• Texts and emails from friends on Thanksgiving that were exactly what I needed
• Short hair
• Tall boots
• Damp forest trails
• Peonies
• My three running groups and the awesome runners (and friends) I've met through them
• Beer
• Yarn
• The fact that I can run anywhere, anytime
• Rediscovering Too Beautiful to Live
• My health
• Living in the moment
• Sweaters
• Writing out my feelings
• Running out my feelings
• Yoga
• Murphy, Lucy, Cooper, and Stella
• Music
• My career, my firm, and my colleagues
• Laughter
• Two and a half months of "firsts" left to endure
• Living just across the street from this (admittedly taken months ago, but still):

And I'm thankful that I've come to terms with the fact—once again—that this process will be hard, and that it will take time (lots of time) and work to come out of it whole and, hopefully, a better person.  The good news?  Time cannot be stopped and I'm on the right path and doing the right things.  I'm satisfied, even happy, with the progress I've made in the past nine months.  And I look forward to taking this same picture next year, reflecting on the time that has passed, and realizing just how far I've come.

In the words of a wise and wonderful friend, everything is learning.  And I have a lot to learn.  Bring it on.